


In Half

by Chris_Kaabye



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Irondad & Spiderson, Superfamily (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chris_Kaabye/pseuds/Chris_Kaabye
Summary: Possible SPOILER ALERT: Reference to a shot shown in an Endgame trailer.A one-shot prompted by Tony & Peter photo shown in the Endgame TV spot. Tony mourns as he looks at the photo he has of himself and Peter. Prepare for angst.





	In Half

When half of the universe is taken away, it’s not grief that’s felt. It’s simply agony. This is what Tony has learned.

He made his return as a failure. He stepped off the ship looking older than he should. Now at home, he doesn’t know what to do with himself other than lament and think of what-ifs.

Pepper passes him a photograph.

“A reminder,” she whispers.

Tony takes it. The photo shows him being a goof with Peter as they hold up the Stark internship certificate Peter earned. It’s a photo that should’ve given Tony a bit of a smile. Instead, the weight that’s been pushing against his chest since the battle becomes heavier.

Tony, of course, doesn’t know half the world, exactly who was part of it and was forced out. No one’s mind could ever picture billions of people, and so the absence of them, while very real and felt deeply, is abstracted and turned into a swath because that’s the only way one’s mind can comprehend a loss of this scale.

But Peter is a fragment of that missing half that Tony can discern, and it’s a nothingness he feels, because nothingness is the only replacement for the space a person should be.

Sharp, clear – that’s what this particular loss is. Tony experienced what it was like to hold a person dear to you until their death, their _truest_ death. He didn’t just hear a last breath – he was there for when the body becomes ash and meets the earth.

There’s an especially strong bitterness when the life of a young person ends. Peter won’t get a graduation, a girlfriend, a day job, a quaint apartment, or anything else. While Tony’s pained by the boy’s absence, the simple grief that comes with knowing he’ll no longer see that eager-to-please face, it’s the erasure of Peter’s future that upsets him most. Peter never got to know the happiness this part of the universe can bring. There lies the real tragedy.

There’s no adequate description for how Tony feels. It’s everything bad colliding into him, and he almost buckles right there on the floor. A dark corner of his mind wishes he became dust like the others because he would’ve avoided the raw ache of being left behind and forced to see a world where half of it is empty. It’s unbelievable that this kind of suffering doesn’t make a person drop dead.

How can he continue? How can anyone continue when it feels so wrong to do so? As Tony peers down at the photograph, he knows it would be unjust to leave Peter or anyone else behind. With utter clarity, he sees what should’ve been. They deserve to live. The only future that feels right, is the one where everyone still exists.

This is not the sort of loss you accept then move on from. You keep your feet planted to the ground and stay where you are. Tony will find Peter. He’ll find everyone.

* * *

Peter knows he’s dead.

What he’s not sure of, is if he’s arrived where the dead are meant to go.

This place isn’t really a place. Directions don’t exist; he’s neither up or down, he’s just where he is. There’s no such thing as form either. No ground, no sky, no body. Yet Peter remains aware of who he is, but the difference is that he’s stopped being human.

And maybe because he’s stopped being human, he’s stopped being scared. It was with terror that he was extracted from his previous world, but something calms him here. It tempers his mourning too, which, in his last moment on Earth, was his reaction to failing his mission and being separated from all the people he loved. He was absolutely unwilling to leave them and yet the fact that he’s here now isn’t painful.

Time doesn’t pass. It’s all present. Peter wouldn’t have been able to comprehend this if he were in his original world. It can only be understood here. The lack of time might be what’s comforting. Peter’s life just happened, and is always happening, which means he’s losing nothing. One second ago, he was with Tony, and it won’t ever become a distant memory. It continues to be a moment that’s just passed.

However, something’s off. This is a holding space where he exists but doesn’t live. This can’t be how Heaven is. Where is his uncle? Where are his parents? Peter is all alone here. He’s a soul existing by itself.

While the isolated is strange, no loneliness accompanies it. Even without form, Peter feels something with him. It’s a warmth and weight around his back and against his chest even though those parts of him no longer exist. It does more than soothe him – it makes him content.

This warmth and solidity Peter recognizes as human touch. It’s Tony, the one who held him as he was taken away. But Tony isn’t here with him, rather, what Peter’s sensing is a small thread from Tony’s life that’s that’s capable of following a person through death.

It’s the one thing that’s allowed to be more than a memory, and so Peter still has the protection of a person he trusts. Tony is pressed against him, and Peter feels the deepest sense of safety he’s ever had.

A voice. “Hey… kid…”

There’s a push.

Time begins again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This fic took way longer than it should've.
> 
> I have a small collection of Irondad & Spiderson stories on my [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/168595455).


End file.
